You could spend your whole life

tense

not wanting to cross any major streets for fear of being hit,

not even read fairy tales

because in those pages, there is always death

lurking

in a mole, on a witch,

in her jealousy,

a potential curse brewing,

seething, bubbling up.

 

I know someone

who never makes any left turns,

i swear.

i am not just being metaphorical.

only rights.

 

Can you imagine

your commute to work, a road trip,

your whole life

accrued in miles with only rights.

 

You could avoid trains

because you could get a sleeve or an arm in those fast shutting doors

or worse,

hear news that someone

jumped.

 

You could fear

being a widow and never marry

your true heart’s love

because it would someday

be too sad.

 

You could have worried yourself into a tizzy,

into a hospital in Jerusalem

because you heard old reports of terror.

 

You could back into a sticky web of anxiety

and never take that lovely petal-lined walk

down a tulle-trimmed aisle.

 

You would have chosen against beauty that day,

declined the family who also chose you that day,

bestowing you with

pink pearls,

a silken kimono,

the someday children who would carry

their prayers, promises,

eyes,

genes.

 

One breakout,

one left-hand turn

one

skinny-dip at night

into fear’s fuzzy wake,

into flight,

and immediately,

like my daughter squealing as she threw last night’s obscenely cold bath water

all over her,

pouring it out in pitcher-fulls,

know it is okay

to both live

and make mistakes.

 

Rather, you can get hooked on falling into the arms of grace.

Knowing there is a warm bath towel and a happy ending

at the end,

on your pillow,

in the tuck-in and

“good night”.

 

When did you choose love & jumping-off? There is one traceable moment for me in Colorado (the summer I met my Love), where I literally chose to leap off a little cliff into the Colorado River, deciding faith over “what ifs”. “My life is in Your Hands”, I offered before flinging myself off of the ground. 

Maybe your risks are Heath Crunch over vanilla, maybe BIG Faith, like calling off a wedding, stopping or starting medical treatment. Maybe it’s all big faith, Risk. Love. Life. 

When did something in you change to say no to fear and yes to faith?