The day I told my mom of a new child here growing here was the day I pedaled to buy chervil and thyme, more carrots and bouillabaisse. It was the day I walked my husband to the drive and into the street and acknowledged with tears that with my telling her, I’d feel more weightless– more joy.
I cried up the hill, bicycling a basket full of warm baguette, the bottles of olive oil and herbs, all of spring and promises of summer, the cozy coming of winter, all for the soup to gather in fall. And I said, “I’m so glad you’re in charge of birth and death”. The trust in pedaling with an eight week, six-day-old baby, living inside.
(Which is the same day I bought these purple and brown irises home. Delicate purple and golden browns like Champagne and chanterelles. I brought the iris pots home, three of them for my 500 yen, 50 yen change, 3 of them for my garden, which is the same day I bought bubbly apple juice from France to celebrate a Shabbat, a growing with family). Celebrating is feeling alive.
I have to get through the telling. The worry that she won’t be pleased with the steps of my life, my ordered recipe. Peppermint tea for her and I pour out my words. Out come the pictures of a little bean in an ultrasound. It is all, extraordinarily, smooth.
We’re all here–iris outside the front step, and all that will be held in my body. Joy soothes the weary, all the jumpy nerves. A bouquet of leaves swirling and moss earth fragrant November. It’s a day we all want soup. It’s the day to make my mother tea and tell her our news.
Yes, the day I made a fall soup is the day I spilled the news to my sister, too, her driving, “I am pregnant”. There is another growing child and she whooped and cheered and all my anxiety cleared.
That’s what I’ve been– clenched, sad, afraid I’d not get some needed ingredient. And now it’s the day of a thousand good breaths and the soup called relief which I’ll start right now. Here, in my life, are all the right people to love.
Now, now I can get excited. We’re all onboard and feeling warm.
The best things take time and must be gathered courageously.